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Update for January 6, 2001
Well, bad news, folks. Unfortunately, gaming age can no longer accomodate my movie files, so Pat Klepek tells me. For space reasons, the movies on the FAIL films site will unfortunately be taken down for a certain unknown amount of time. What a kick in the goddamn pants.

But not to worry kiddies, I'm currently in the process of finding a new place to store my files and such and such. I've found a server that allows me infinite web space, so I will most likely use that server to store stuff. This means that the videos on FAIL films will most likely remain unavailable for a SHORT period of time, but it'll all be over soon. However, I still do not know if the site I found can support the files I need to upload, so there is still is a slight air of uncertainty to this craptacular business. If it all falls through, I'll just find a new place to upload stuff, and I can also branch out into the business of selling cds with movies and stuff, like Klepekpower.com. So thats the basic scoop, and I hope this big mess will all be over soon...

So now I have to address the issue of Mr. X. This mofo is definitely starting to get on my nerves. And why the fuck does he have to bother me, when he stole his name from The Simpsons?!?!?!?!?! I certainly hope he builds up the nerve to shoot himself in the goddamn neck, because I'm definitely getting very sick of this asshole and his goddamn Kentucky incestual writings. I'm getting very angry with this antisocial jackass with nothing better to do than piss me off, and I hope he goes ahead and jumps off a bridge, or some other sort of very very very high object with absolutely no hope of survival at the bottom.

Update for December 31, 2000: New Years Eve
So anyways, I did a HUGE motherfucker of an update. I made a FAIL films info page with pics, information, and shit like that about all the crazy videos on file. I also made a cool pic at the bottom of that page, go check it out. So its New Years Eve, and this sucks. I've been sick for almost all of Christmas vacation (not that it stopped me from doing anything fun...), and today is no exception. This sucks, so I have to stay home doing nothing but working on the website.

So the new videos are coming VERY SOON!!! I've finished like everything editingwise. I've got all the new Bush Jumping videos edited as well as the Roof Jumping video, as well as the BRAND NEW MATT'S PARTY VIDEO!!!! That video is the shit (sort of). Its got everything you could possibly want in a video full of hotel pranks.

WE HAVE NOT COPIED ANYTHING from Jackass or shit like that. All of the videos here are purely original, and anyways, who gives a fuck??? The ONLY THING that we could have possibly copied is the shopping cart video, which, even if we did copy it, we copied it from CKY2K, which eventually led to Jackass. So leave us alone.

• NEW VIDEOS: Two new Bush Jumping videos, one Roof Jumping video, and the video of Matt's Party at the Embassy Suites in Schaumburg.

• NEW STUFF: I made an info page, which was quite the bitch to write out, as well as updating the CQQC and the Column. Go check it out, boys and girls.

Update for December 24, 2000: Its Christmas!!! (well, almost)
Merry Motherfucking Christmas!!! Or Hannukah, or Kwanzaa, or Atheist Children get Presents Day!!!! Well, its almost the big day. My older sister comes home today from college, and she wanted in on some of these wacky videos, so you might see her in some of this crap in the very near future. Oh yeah, I also finished editing all the brand spankin new bush jumping footage (well, actually we filmed it in the fall), and it'll be available for downloading very, very soon.

Coming Soon: Well, Best wanted me to make him a weekly mullet page on BigChan, so I guess I'll get started on that sometime this week. We also gots a large stockpiling of roof jumping footage that is soon to be edited. I also got my video card (sort of), and I am going to try it out today, so lets all hope that it works well. I don't know if there is quite enough footage of roof jumping so far, but its getting pretty damn close. Also, I might start a video info page, which would basically go through the storyline (yeah right) and shit of every video in FAIL films, like the cast, the camera work, the music, shit like that. It'll be cool. More videos coming soon.

So thats all for today folks! Go out and spread the word. And try not to hurt yourselves.

Update for December 21, 2000:
Good news, folks. I finished editing the first of the new bush jumping videos. It'll be up on the FAIL films section of the site in a few days. Or weeks or somethin. Well I edited that and it'll be available soon, and also I'm probably getting the second of the new bush jumping videos sometime soon, so I'll be able to edit that very soon. Also we're working on the new fighting video (which trust me, will be nothing like Los Fightos Muchachos at Schumanfu Studios. It'll be like 10 million times better, because its going to be real. And painful. And a lot more violent.

Okay, I don't have much to add for todays update, except to say that I removed a bunch of crap and did a shitpack of rearranging and stuff like that. Today is only an organizational update. So if you're looking for something new, I'll have to disappoint you. But anyways, you should go sign my guestbook and also you should go to FAIL Films and download the latest in hilarious movies straight from hell.

Heres what I did today on the site:

Today was like the third major website overhaul thusfar. At least I think this would be the third. Well anyways, I created a new logo (hope you morons like it), I made new buttons for all the sections, and I'm going to start more crappy work on a brand new title picture for every page. That'll take me awhile, so you probably won't see anything too drastic for awhile. I took out that wacky animated devil you all know and love. Say goodbye, foul being from hell!!! Just kidding, we all love a dancing little devil. I also rearranged a bunch of crap that I know that no one really cares about. So whatever.

Updates: I updated EVERYTHING!!! I wrote a crappy column because I was bored, I added to the pranks list, I updated the CQQC, I updated my links page, and the list goes on and on and on.

Coming soon: Roof jumping madness, a fire video, and FAIL is also working on other shit.

Okay bye now. Go out and spread the word.

Update for December 13, 2000:
Ok, fuck all you wacky monkeys. Ok I'm just kidding. But still. I get a video card for Christmas, so all you mofomonkeyfuckers should watch your asses out for more FAIL films videos. We've got fire footage, roof jumping madness footage, and people just being dumb.

So anyways, I looked at the poll results, and most of you crazy bizoznitches said that FAIL should make a bigtime fighting movie. Good, since I was gonna work on one anyways soon. So this movies gonna be phiggity phat Matrix style. All the fly trimmings. Dope fillin, mad skillin. Ok I'm done, I swear.

Ok thats all...for now.

Update for December 12, 2000:
Well today is a snow day (i hope) so I'm gonna update the site as long as I'm awake. I guess this update will be my effort to keep you mofos posted on shit that'll be up on the site soon (actually in awhile).

First of all, we're workin on a fire video, with flaming toys, flaming shit, flaming junk, flaming garbage, flaming people, flaming squirrels, flaming molotov cocktails, flaming monkeys. Ok maybe not flaming monkeys. But that would be cool. We've only got about a minute of footage so far, but its all of people on fire, so its all good shit.

Second, roof jumping. The newest craze since bush jumping. If you can really call that a "craze," then I guess roof jumping counts. We've done some roof jumps into snow and shit. Maybe we can combine roof jumping and fire to make flaming roof jumping. That sounds about right. There'll probably be a FAIL films roof jumping film, along with a FAIL fire film, and as soon as my video card comes, then I can get working on the new super hardcore bush jumping video.

Peace I'm outta here!!!

Update for December 9, 2000:
Well, well, mofos, life is good. Or better, anyway. I got a video card coming soon, so I can put my videos on the computer, but I can't use it until Christmas. My new camera is pretty phat, and we've already experimented with injuring ourselves on film. Haha. It was funny.

New updates for today

• Column: I wrote a new column. Big surprise. Its about school.

• CQQC: Go check it out for yourself.

• Poll results: Well, the majority of you maniacs said that the candidates should fight a monkey. And now you know what public education gets you.

• Coming Soon: FIRE!!!! PAIN!!!! SUPER HARDCORE BUSH JUMPING!!!! What more could you possibly want? Other than crack.

• Deleting Shit: Yea, I deleted like all my old updates. If you liked them, go fuck yourself.

• Fire: Ok, we've been devising all sorts of ways to get set on fire and not get hurt. We've lit our arms and shit like that, and today we tried a full body burn. Lets just say lighting your chest doesn't work. I singed a bunch of hairs off my damn face, and I got a bunch of burns on my throat. So that sucked. Don't worry, I'll get it back on track soon...

So thats all for today you stupid suckaz!!!!

Update for November 12, 2000:
Well now, I've finished putting all of the new videos up on BigChan. I also updated a bunch of other shit, and took out some shizat too. Heres a brief overview of what I did:

• SHOPPING CARTS!!!!: This video is pretty much the hardcore video of the shopping cart escapades all around the city. We do some bush jumping, some wall smashing, and all sorts of potentially dangerous crap.

• BUSH JUMPING!!!!: The history of bush jumping. This video shows both Classical and Aggressive Bush Jumping, for all the world to see. I also figured out how to use some cool effects and other stuff too.

• SQUIRREL CRUELTY!!!!: Actually this has already been out for some time now. But people keep telling me that the video doesn't work on they're computer, and up until now, my basic response to that was to say that those people are morons. Well, you do need a more advanced version of Windows Media Player to view the old version. Now, I edited a new version in mpeg form, so pretty much anyone can go look at it. And shit.

• NEW COLUMN!!!!: I wrote a new column. Go check out the shit and see how you like it or see if you agree.

• REMOVALS!!!!: I took out the quasi weekly cool pic cuz it was getting old and it was just taking up space.

Update for November 9, 2000:
Hooray!!! I'm currently working on some new videos for BigChan, but they aren't quite up on the site yet. Just wait a few more days and they will be. I got all the shopping cart and bush videos from Klepek, and edited the shopping cart video and I am starting the bush videos soon.
Anyways, Klepek is also putting his own version of the shopping cart and bush videos up on his site and will also be seen at the RMHS Variety Show. My versions of these videos have the same basic footage, but my editing job was slightly different. Also, Klepek combined all of the shopping cart, old school, and agressive bush jumping clips into one approximately three minute long video. So, they are fairly similar, but each is original in its own right. So don't come yelling at me bitching and moaning and saying that I copied Klepek. He gave me the footage, and this is simply my own version of it. Anyways, these are the videos that I will soon post.

• Shopping Carts!!!!: Basically, this has various people messing around with shopping carts, and we use them for just about anything. Flying into bushes, running into walls, all sorts of shit. Its some hardcore destructive madness.

• Bush Jumping!!!!: Well, sometimes this can be kind of dumb (just my opinion), but the basic idea is bush jumping, plain and simple. I figure my video will go from Old School Bush Jumping, and show the transition to Agressive Hardcore Bush Jumping.

Well, thats all for now...

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